By following these 20 ways to not be used by others, you are making decisions that are going to transform you into someone who’s not to be messed with!
Many of us since childhood have had the habit of people-pleasing to get validation and approval of others.
Sadly, doing so only makes us vulnerable to being taken advantage of and being used by others.
Being used by others can be detrimental to your self-esteem and mental health but it does not mean there is something wrong with you.
You just need to learn HOW to defend yourself so people don’t prey on you. Below are important tips and ways to not be used by others.
List of 20 Ways to Not Be Used by Others
1. Find Out their Intention
Whenever someone is interacting with you, ask yourself: What is their Intention?
Intention is everything.
Find out why someone is saying what they are saying to you, why someone is asking you to do something and why they are even being friendly to you.
Most people act a certain way because they are gauging to see if you are gullible and can be used by them.
If you sense their intention is not noble, then do not follow through with what they are telling you to do.
2. Trust Patterns, not Apologies
Don’t ignore patterns and keep giving someone the benefit of the doubt. This will make you a doormat and people will know you’re an easy target.
Often, people show you who they really are but you may want to forgive them or make excuses for them.
If you see someone repeating the same actions so much that it becomes a pattern, stop putting up with him/her. They will never change even if they apologize. As they say, old habits die hard.
3. Believe Red Flags
A red flag is like an alarm bell that goes inside your head when you sense something is not right. It’s like your intuition trying to tell you to steer clear.
It can be anything that they do that rubs you the wrong way and makes you question the relationship with that person.
Seeing red flags and ignoring them can hurt you in the future.
If you find red flags in the behavior of someone, especially in a friendship or relationship, then run.
4. Be Careful who You Vent to
One of the simplest ways not to be used by others? Be careful who you vent to!
It’s better not to say anything than pour your heart out to someone who may use your words and vulnerability against you.
5. If it Feels Wrong, Don’t Do it
Sometimes, some things just go against your morals and what you stand for.
You may even have an uneasy feeling from nowhere. That’s your instinct telling you to back off.
Go with that feeling and don’t do it. If you do, you may end up getting taken advantage of and by the end of it all, you’re going to feel used.
6. Treat Yourself Better
When you treat your own self in a loving and caring way, it’ll be easy for you to avoid situations or people that will take advantage of you.
You know that you’re important and shouldn’t be hurt by others because you practice self-love and know your self-worth.
7. Teach Others How to Treat You
When others see the way you treat and carry yourself, they’ll instinctively know you’re not to be messed with.
So, showing someone that you respect yourself and you ‘don’t play like that’ will make them back off and not try to prey on you.
Of course, there are many people who will still try to bother you even if they KNOW you can’t tolerate some sort of behavior. These are the people who you must avoid because they can never be taught how to treat someone.
8. Realize that You Can’t Please Everyone
If you try to please everyone you ever know and meet, you’ll wear yourself out and become a doormat for others.
There are some people who can’t be pleased no matter what you do for them, so this means you’ll try harder and exert yourself more but it won’t work because they will just not be happy with whatever you do.
You’ll keep on spending time, money and effort trying to make others happy and they’ll love you for it. It’ll become a never-ending cycle. Soon enough, they’ll want you to keep doing more and more. All you’ll ever be good for, is what you do for them, not what you ARE to them. This is going to make you resentful!
9. Remember your Worth
Don’t keep giving people chances to disrespect and downgrade you. Remember your worth.
People will try to guilt-trip you, cast blame and project insecurities on you to try to make you do what they want you to do. But don’t take it.
Know who you are and what you stand for. No one should make you be able to manipulate you into certain things because you are firm in yourself.
10. Set Personal Boundaries
One of the best ways to not be used by others is by setting personal boundaries.
Lack of boundaries can encourage people to walk all over you with no shame.
Set boundaries and don’t be afraid to make these boundaries known to all. Some examples of boundaries include: What are the things that you are willing to do for others? What are things that you absolutely cannot do on your part?
Be firm in setting these boundaries and try your best not to make exceptions for anyone.
If someone is trying to break your boundaries, let them know you can’t tolerate it.
Let people know that you have your limits too, they can’t just demand whatever they want form you, whenever they want it.
11. Avoid Agreeing to Everything Immediately
Another one of the ways to not be used by others is by not agreeing to everything immediately. Refrain from saying yes on the spot to something you aren’t 100% positive about.
This enables you to think things through and to take the right decision without being pressured into something you’re not uncomfortable with.
12. Start Small
It can be daunting when you first try to stand up for yourself. If you have anxiety thinking of confronting intense situations, then start small.
Start small. If you’re the one to always pick up the check, next time, try telling your friend to do it. Asserting yourself in little situations can help you gain confidence to stand up for yourself in bigger ones.
13. Don’t Worry About the Repercussions
Are you scared someone will unfriend you or your partner will dump you?
Is that why you are putting up with their nonsense and allowing them to scare you into submission every time?
No honey. That is not the way to go.
Stop worrying about what’s going to happen if you say no or don’t listen to someone.
If they leave, it’s good riddance. Always choose what’s best for you. This will help you protect yourself from being used and save your mental health.
14. First Set your Priorities
Knowing your priorities will help you make better decisions and not waste your time and energy in activities that involve you being taken for granted.
Setting priorities helps you know what things are more important for you to handle before doing things for others.
For example, if you have to do an important task but your friend asks you to help them with a minor project instead, will you drop the task and go to your friend? If you don’t do the task, you may be failing yourself and allowing your friend to use you because you’re being available at a time when you should be busy doing something for yourself.
15. Don’t Lower your Standards
Never lower your standards for anyone.
When you know you can’t tolerate a certain kind of behavior because it hurts you, stick with it all the way through.
Don’t give excuses for someone and start accepting things you know you hate. It’ll back fire on you.
16. Go With your Gut
Following your gut feeling is helpful. It’s basically your intuition telling you that something/someone is not a good idea.
A gut feeling is like your brain making an association with certain experiences you’ve gone through in the past.
If you meet someone and know that there’s something wrong to be associating with them, then by all means don’t engage. Or if you’re in a certain place or situation and you just don’t feel right, then get going. Better safe than sorry!
17. Don’t Fall in Love with Potential
Ah…potential. It can be so deceiving. When you’re an optimist, it’s so easy to see the good in every single person, even when there is no good.
Don’t fall in love with what you think will ‘be.’ Don’t believe false promises or listen to someone talk about grand future dreams when they haven’t anything to show for it. You will be disappointed and taken on a wild ride of lies and being used.
What you see right now is what you get. Do you like what you see now? If no, then head out. Don’t wait thinking it’ll get better in the future.
18. Decide Your No-Go Zones
What are some things that you absolutely cannot do without any exceptions? There are some things that are just uncomfortable/unhappy/triggering for you to do.
Tell yourself that you will not do them no matter the circumstance.
You can also make sure you make it clear and known to the people around you.
19. It’s Okay to Say No!
Maybe you fear saying the word ‘no’ to others because you think you’ll be abandoned/left out by friends and family. Or, because you’re too nice and feel bad to disappoint people.
But hear this, you are not a bad person for saying no to things that you are not okay with doing.
You may not want to do certain things because you haven’t got the time, are broke right now or just don’t feel like.
You have the right to say no, especially if you know you’re being taken advantage of.
Remember, you can say no with compassion. You don’t have to come across as unkind.
20. Know When to Let Things Go
Sometimes, there’s only so much you can do for someone.
If you feel you’ve poured your blood, sweat and tears into a situation but are still facing backlash, then it’s time to let things go. Remove yourself from the situation and distance yourself from those people.
You don’t need people who are disrespecting you and taking advantage of you. In fact it’s THEM who need you and are draining your energy and soul.
It won’t be easy but respect yourself. Be your own best friend and let that BS go.
I hope you practise the above ways to not be used by others. It’s high time you stopped tolerating disrespect from others and stood up for who you are. You can do it!
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